Wednesday, January 6, 2010

To win or not to win

Apparently we are in some sort of contest with the object of our desires. So you've met a guy you're interested in. You've exchanged digits. You are now automatically in the game. What game, you might ask? The mind game of course.

Rules: Maintain distance, appear unavailable, wait a substantial lenth of time before replying to messages, and above all, let him contact you first. The prize? Finding out whether he's interested or not without having to make your feelings known, and therefore potentially being rejected.

Now this game is all well and good if the man in question follows his rules, which are: contacting us between 2 and 3 days after meeting us, contacting us during the day/on a weekday so we know it's not just a booty call, and taking us on some form of date such as drinks at the pub, dinner or a movie, to reinforce that it is definitely not just a booty call.
Call me a pessimist, but I just don't know how often you get a guy who is going to play by these rules. In fact, I think it's highly more likely that he plays by our rules, i.e. playing it cool. Which totally ruins the system and leaves us in complete overanalysis mode of exactly-what-is-he-thinking-right-now-why-hasnt-he-texted etc etc.

Now don't get me wrong, I completely understand the fear of rejection. We've all been there. Putting yourself on the line and being knocked back is no fun, no matter what aspect of life we're talking about. And if you never hear from him, it's alot easier to get over than being rejected by him after revealing how you feel. So I do see the reasoning behind waiting for him to make the first move.
But at the same time, something has to be said for having the balls to put yourself out there in the first place. What if he is, in fact playing by our rules and is waiting for us to make the first move? How insane would it be if two people liked each other so much but neither were willing to make their feelings known to the other person? Crazy, right?!

Yes there always is the risk the answer might not be the one you wanted to hear. And of course there are the occasions when he's not playing it cool, or even playing the game at all. But at least you will know for sure, and can move on without wondering 'what if.'

I'm not suggesting we declare ourselves to every guy we meet of course. And I'm also not encouraging messaging him 27 times a day with no reply; we do have to retain some self-dignity! And we do need to read the vibes we're getting from him, i.e. if you've emailed him at work and text messaged him with no reply, just give it a couple of days. When he realises you've tried to contact him, he will get back to you if he wants to. And if he doesn't, well there's your answer. But be proactive! DO send that message, DO invite him to that party. No it wont always work out, but that means you can close that chapter and wait for the next one to begin.


  1. It's so true - and so horrible.. on the plus side when it's right the games go out the window and it just works!

  2. Hello! I agree, and taking it even further, I hat game-playing. THis is NoT recess! Lol. I don't date, but when I find someone worth my time (and vice versa), there shall be much common sense, prayer, and non-desperate-seeming actions, but no gaming....unless there is a Wii involved. Good post ;)


  3. Thanks for your comments guys! I didn't see them for awhile as I'm still getting the hang of this thing, but you're my first ever comments which is very exciting! Cheers