Monday, December 21, 2009

Breakup Patch

So I stalked my ex on Friday night. It was only meant to be a ‘walk-by’…but is it my fault if he chooses to sit in the window booth of the pub? And can I help it if he happened to look out at exactly the same moment I was peering in? Circumstances that I feel were totally out of my control. So to cut a long story short, my best friend and I devised a foolproof plan that would allow us to enter the premises without me looking like a stalker. Well, evidently I still did, as when I said hi, and ‘just so you know, I’m not stalking you,’ he was nodding and saying ‘yes you are’ before the words were even out of my mouth. Woops.

We’ve all been there. The urge to call him just to hear his voice, and the feeling of self-loathing when you hang up the phone (“I went three days without talking to him, I was doing so well!”). Or how about the feeling of humiliation when you hook up with him “one last time”…. Well I’ve devised a solution. Patches for breakups. Think about it. Relationships are addictive, right? And like smoking, breakups of those relationships sometimes require something extra to get you through those stages of withdrawal.

Never again will you feel the overwhelming desire to do a drive-by past his house/ workplace/ gym/ best mate’s house. No longer will you compose angry/ bitter/ tearful text messages that are never meant to be sent to him, but somehow always are. Just slap on a patch, satisfy the craving, and avoid looking like a psycho ex.

You know how the urge for a smoke is triggered by a glass or two of wine, or a stressful day at work? I reckon it’s the same thing when you hear ‘your song’ on the radio, or come across a photo of the two of you. You hadn’t thought about him for 10 whole minutes but then all you want to do is call him or run out and see him. And then we are driven to do crazy things. Well, patches take care of the triggers too, so when we hear or see one, we avoid behaving like madwomen.

Let’s face it, going cold turkey is no fun. Breakup patches are the way to go.

1 comment:

  1. Just found your blog on 20SB and I love your idea and philosophy :) I've added you to my Google Reader and definitely look forward to following you in the future!!